I have to get a couple more things off my chest before I continue writing this post. This blog has been in existence for approximately 24 hours. Yes, I told a few people about it, mostly due to the fact that I started it while on the clock at work, and my co-workers got curious.
I'm going to guesstimate that I myself told maybe a maximum of ten people about it... yet, as of this point, "Who Wants to Date a Trillionaire" has acquired almost 400 hits. I am by no means mad about this new development; I'm actually kind of impressed. Before I start laying out exactly why this date is so crucial, I need to tell you a story that took place last night relating to the mission.
The few friends who knew about the blog were texting me last night while I was out and about braving tornadoes and monsoons to drink various malted beverages. They seemed to think that the blog was a great idea. I myself was contemplating calling the whole thing off because I felt under(too much) pressure to write more. Then, it was as if this were all written in the stars.
I'm at the bar and see a Titus lookalike. Being the skeptic that I am, I consult a few of my friends who basically have no idea what Mark looks like. Thanks to the glorious invention that is the Crackberry Curve, I am able to pull up his roster pic. After much hullabaloo and comparing of the phone to his face across the bar, the man-in-question gets up to go to the bathroom. I then see that he is wearing a Red Sox hat, which is unacceptable, and thus very un-Tituslike. (Sorry to let down any Sox fans who might be jonesin' over me. I am a Tribe Fan, but have mad respect for the Cubbies, as they are the only team who can truly understand things of this nature.) Back to the story at hand. My friends, at this point, were not giving up. They needed some serious conclusive evidence that this man was not Mark Titus. Now comes the phenomenon of the Wing Woman. (Contrary to popular belief, they do exist.) After his trip to the john, the man-in-question walks up to the bar. While I was least expecting it, my friends give it a good "HEY MARK!" Sox Hat McGee does not look, but the stranger next to him does, making for an awkward explanation.
And now, for yesterday's previous promise.
Top Ten Reasons Why Mark Titus and I are Compatible: (Note. These are all based on information I have gleaned from Club Trillion about Mark Titus and his life.)
10. The Counter on Club Trillion began on November 3, 2008. This date was my 21st birthday. If that's not a sign from the gods, I don't know what is. I am a fairly typical Scorpio. I don't know when Mark's birthday is. If you know Mark's DOB, and would like to let me know, I promise to post the results of a non-reliable free online horoscope compatibility test.
9. I was the master of racking up the trillion on my junior high basketball team. While I do not have the score books to prove this, I do have photos of myself with goofy hair and a glasses strap because I couldn't afford Rec Specs. Moving on...
8. It seems that Mark and I both enjoy keeping statistics of things that don't matter. In Mark's case, bone crushing screens/one-armed embraces. When it comes to my life, I write down a daily hilarious quote from either a stranger or a friend every day. Furthermore, I have tallies in my notebook keeping track of how many times my Geography professor wears black socks with sandals and how many times my Political Science professor gets chalk ALL OVER HIS ASS.
7. I have began incorporating Titus lingo into my everyday life. I was watching the NBA Playoffs (One Goal) last week, and found myself pointing out the dotting of every Detroit Piston that ever existed.
6. I know the words to virtually every country song circa 1990-1996. My first concert was Garth Brooks in 2nd grade, enough said. I am hesitant to say this, but I no longer listen to country music. Hey, you can't win 'em all.
5. Provided that this date happens soon enough, I am confident that Mark and I can be this campus' power couple. I am a relatively involved individual, and Mark is Mark. That being said, we have the ability to turn some heads and make the next six weeks a glorious experience.
4. While I don't feel that I have shown this attribute to my utmost ability on these two posts, it is fairly common for people to never understand a word I say because I speak almost completely in pop culture references. My second goal in life (after getting this date, of course) is to be on the World Series of Pop Culture. Mark, if you're reading this, you're drafted for that team if you want to play.
3. I'm losing creative steam based on the little knowledge of Mark that I have. I am confident that this is a reason in and of itself.
2. While Caucasian to the passerby, I am indeed blacker than Evan "The Villain" Turner. This explanation could go on for pages. I will only allude to the most convincing reasons: I have been to Africa and I have seen Wu Tang in concert.
And finally, 1. I am one box of hair dye, one pair of skin tight power suit pants, and a boob job away from being Erin Andrews.
If you have additional reasons that Mark and I should date, please let me know. Since time is of the essence when it comes to scoring this date, I will try to blog as often as possible. Feel free to send any questions/comments/concerns/ideas to trillionairematchmaker@gmail.com
Unlikely Match of the Day:
Brooke
You are a mother fuckin wordsmith!
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